Is Your Second Marriage As Good As You Want It To

Marriage-Wedding Dear Emily, I am starting to resent that I married a guy that puts all of his energy into fighting his custody legal battle and raising his daughter. I feel like I have for love and kindness is my puppy, and he believes I am crazy for giving the dog attention like that. I am miserable. Help! "Janice" Dear "Janice", Your resentment are comprehendable, and you aren�t alone. Sounds like your love you had for your spouse has changed dramatically every since you two chose to get married, and that your dissatisfaction is growing intolerable. I would love to give you a couple thoughts to your anguish that you can start to apply right away, and look to see if the outcomes you get are opposite than what you are experiencing now. 1. Are you acquainted with the idea that "what you resist will persist"? If you are using most of your energy and time focused on the things that are bad in your relationship and what you are sad about, chances are you’re going to see a whole lot more of what you DON’T want; and keep seeing the outcomes you are wishing to avoid. The medicine here is to start looking at what is CORRECT about your relationship. This might be difficult to do at first, since you are so heartsick. Something as easy as "He comes home each night and goes to bed in our bed." Or "He always makes sure th at there is enough gas in the car." . . . See if you may begin to examine every way he shows his love to you and to his whole family. 2. Develop an "attitude of gratitude". Complaining and Criticizing are habits that we learn as children and they tend to NOT get us what we want. When we criticize, we are pointing out to the person everything that they are doing wrong and how they are failing as a partner, a spouse. This doesn�t typically inspire him to be who you want him to be. In fact, he will start to get so discouraged and believe that {whatever he does will never be as good as you want it to be and so he will just give up|no matter what he does it won’t be good enough, that he’ll just stop trying|. Why worry when the only thing that happens is that he gets told "not enough,could have been better, too little�" You get the picture. The cure for complaining is to begin feeling full of gratitude and to openly acknowledge every way he is showing up. You’ll be astonished at the outcome. It is taking the seeing a step further and showing with a heart full of gratitude everything that you notice – from the heart. If you do this, the more you’ll find things to be grateful for – it can be quite magical! And, you could become very creative in the ways that you show your heart full of gratitude. One wife began placing little post-it notes of thankfulness around the house, so he would find them as he shaved, as he got his keys, as he opened his brief case. Another wife left a message expressing her thankfulness to him at his business. Did you know that men usually receive recognition is through hearing, seeing or what is done with him? 3. See how you could be adding to the problems you face. In what ways are you behaving that might be keeping him at a distance from you? Are you whining? Are you withdrawn? Are you ungrateful to his advances? Are you jealous? Notice what things that are getting in the way of his attention and love for you. The best antidote to not getting everything you want is to begin giving what you feel like you should have to the person you want it from AND to yourself! Stop waiting for the person to come and wonder how you may start coming in a different way. And BEGIN awarding yourself what you think you should have. Sounds like you are getting your needs obtained by using the dog – but at the exclusion of your husband. Is there a way to include him as well? Can you let him have that level of affection also? One way that can help you would be to play a game called "Passing the Experience". Just as you see him giving all of his attention and affection to his daughter, that’s what you may be doing with the dog. Both of you are getting your needs met with someone/something else, instead of giving love to each other. And chances are there’s so much frustration in the middle of the two of you that talking to eachother could be too scary to do by yourselves! I’m also curious about the age of his daughter, and how you were feeling about life when you were the age that she is. Maybe if you use a fraction of your time to go back to her age in your thoughts, you could get some information into the reason that you are particularly triggered by his love to her. NOTE: Use of this article requires links to be intact. About the Author: 相关的主题文章: